A Beginning

Bitter-Sweet

Ah, my dear angry Lord,

Since thou dost love, yet strike;

Cast down, yet help afford;

Sure I will do the like.

I will complain, yet praise;

I will bewail, approve;

And all my sour-sweet days

I will lament and love.

-George Herbert

These words describe the purpose for this blog better than I ever could.  So even as I write this post and wonder if I should start a blog at all, I am glad that a poet and Anglican priest had beautiful words to say in the early 1600’s.  And I must agree that I have things to share too, even if timidly.

Perhaps, I am timid because this “dear angry Lord” Herbert writes about has changed me.  Pretty drastically in the past year (insert angry conversations with God as seen in the poem).  And because of this, I am learning who I truly am and how to step into my calling.  I’m coming to realize that writing is part of that calling, but I’m nervous.

I’m nervous because of my unconventional journey.  I’m a 25 year old unemployed female with adrenal fatigue.  Although, I’m aware that the previous sentence doesn’t define me in the ultimate sense, yet it also does in many ways.  The words that will be shared throughout this blog come from me lying awake at night unable to sleep, even though I’m exhausted.  Or from still mornings in the kitchen listening to Sleeping at Last and making another bowl of oatmeal.  Or from lying on the couch for several hours because I can’t get up.  I live with chronic debilitating fatigue-and this taints how I see the world, view myself, and know God as Father.

While I cannot always tangibly experience physical health for myself, even in the midst of self-care, my emotions have deepened.  I have learned to feel accurately, both in the grieving and laughter.  There is a time for both.  In close friendship, I continue to experience the limit of words, and together we share tears, stillness, joy and the stability of love in gut-wrenching, weary days.  So as I begin this blogging journey, I do so with the knowledge that I must first live my sour-sweet days committed to lament and love.  I will not manufacture a different life online, one that appears to be easier or happier.  The days ahead will be messy-but if you also desire to journey in feeling deeply, please join me.

Welcome to Lament & Love.

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6 Replies to “A Beginning”

  1. Thank you Alyssa. This is messy, beautiful and honest. It challenges me to embrace the life I have, not the life I want. In the end, we only have the life we have. I look forward to being more posts! Rocky

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  2. Alyssa: I found your blog because your Mom liked your FB for Lament & Love. I was also diagnosed with adrenal fatigue a few years ago, so I totally get what you are describing. My case was probably not as severe as yours, but it did throw me for a loop. You probably have plenty of resources, but I found the book “Adrenal Fatigue, The 21st Century Stress Syndrome” by James L. Wilson very helpful.

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    1. Thanks Cindy. I have read James Wilson’s book and it has been very helpful. I refer to it often. Even though now I’m diagnosed more specifically with Hashimoto’s, there is still a major thyroid/adrenal connection. I hope that you are able to maintain a consistent level of energy now that allows you to enjoy life more fully.

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  3. Hola Alyssa! I really enjoyed reading you, very honest and warm words …I guess at the end we all try to figure life out ( and cross our fingers for the best outcome). I look forward to your next posts! IT

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