What’s the most important thing we should be talking about?

This is a hard question, and at times may be too serious.  Yet sometimes this question is totally called for.

It cuts to the chase.  It’s direct and clarifying.  It involves a deeper search.

It’s an active question and it cuts through passive-aggressive wandering conversations if there’s conflict to work through.

It’s both gritty and a gift.  

Imagine yourself sitting down with someone over coffee, and after a few minutes of small-talk, getting beverages, adding creamer, and finally getting settled, you hear, “What’s the most important thing we should talk about today?”

While my first response may be intimidation, overall, I think I would like to hear the question.  It means that my inner thoughts have value.  It’s an open-ended question, so I can bring hopes or fears, joys or tears.  This question gives value to what I’m feeling or processing.  It’s not a “let’s just catch-up” question.

It’s a question that screams, “What is most meaningful to you right now? I want to hear about it!”

I must say, though, this must be a well-timed question, used with discernment.  Some conversations are for catch-up, for information, but some do go deeper.  This question is perfect for your deeper conversations-those friends who are friends because they go deep, and they are not scared away.

I think though that this question can be playful and answered in a silly manner.  If someone would have asked me this question on Thursday morning, I would have answered, “Key-lime pie.”


I just concocted this delicious pie for the first time and was very proud.  Some desserts on the auto-immune paleo diet are a big disappointment, but this one just looked lovely.  If someone else would have been in my kitchen, I would have told her about the ingredients and wanted her to smell the avocado/lime juice mixture, test the consistency of the coconut pie crust, and take joy in decorating the pie with kiwi and raspberries.

At that moment, making the pie took all my attention.  I was completely engaged, completely excited and I would want you to join in the fun with me.

On Friday, I’ll let you know a deeper answer of mine to this question 🙂

What important things do you want to talk about with your friends and family?


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