Indy is a mix of slush and spring days. And in the midst of this almost-spring-season, I’m beginning to dream, to wonder what spring might be about.
I’ve been a little nostalgic lately as one year ago I was diagnosed, and about two years ago I moved to Indy. To heal and rebuild. I thought I might move from Indy to Pittsburgh. I thought I might quit teaching. I had no idea what was next. I didn’t know many people.
I’m able to see some of the blessings of the journey as I spend time reminiscing. I entered into the question, “Will I quit teaching?” fully. I tried to make teaching work in a classroom two more times, but the answer is “No.” And so I’m learning to be content in a small cubicle at the Dyslexia Institute’s office, tutoring one-on-one, and it turns out that I actually love my job. It’s perfect for me. I’m learning little pieces from this “way closing” behind me.
I have enough flexibility now for all my doctor’s appointments. I can still work. I have a manageable work environment, that keeps me from feeling overwhelmed easily. I can grocery shop in all my little places, and recreate a favorite burger at home for dinner. I can take a walk on a trail behind the apartment as the sun is coming up. I have friends here who are an eclectic mix and I love that. I’m digging deep in more dyslexia reading training and finishing up the spiritual direction cohort in May. I’m entering into life, slower, more reflective and yet I’m still living a purposeful and meaningful life in the midst of healing.
In March, I’m looking forward to finishing my dyslexia training coursework (grad level stuff!), a steak dinner with my roommate, seeing a local production of The Importance of Being Earnest that my friend is in, a spiritual direction cohort weekend, a half day Holy Week retreat, March Madness, a Penny and Sparrow concert, Easter, greater clarity medically after an important blood draw, hosting some meals for friends, participating in a March 4th party my friend has yearly. A full month!
My mundane, everyday living is a much better reflection of the person I actually am–and there’s space to grow, mature, and continually become more of who I really am. In spiritual direction, we call this “true self.”
So, what am I dreaming about?
I’m dreaming about stability, and forming even deeper roots in this city and with people.
I’m dreaming about continuing to offer spiritual direction in my home over this next year.
I’m dreaming about health coaching, and discerning the right timing to pursue a certification.
I’m dreaming about feeling well enough to travel more than I do now.
I’m dreaming about lunches and dinners with my food allergy friends–and even those who don’t prefer red meat.
I’m dreaming about writing poetry more, and cultivating enough courage to call myself a writer.
I’m dreaming about knowing the stories of church people through Tuesday nights at the barn.
I’m dreaming of working in a single location longer than a year.
I’m dreaming of reading more theology works and talking about what I’m reading.
What are you dreaming about as spring approaches? Why?