Ever since I got back from Omaha, I have tried to maintain two 20 minute silent prayer sits per day. Forming a habit is a messy process, so sometimes I forget, other days I only do it once, and I’ve played with the best times of day. I’ve also attended a weekend meditation workshop at my yoga studio, and picked up some pointers there. One helpful hint was to meditate before dinner, but that doesn’t really work for me because I’m so hungry by the time I get home!
But even though this habit is imperfect and in-process, it’s still forming. I wake up, and these days I’m trying to wake up without an alarm, and hit my sounding bowl 3 times. I sit with my back against the wall, on my yoga mat and I close my eyes, placing my palms on my knees. Some days I hold a more traditional meditation practice repeating a mantra, accepting all the thoughts, emotions and sensations that come up. Other days, I practice centering prayer, which is more about releasing those thoughts, emotions and sensations, returning to my sacred word, not as a mantra, but when a thought or emotion comes to mind. The focus is on letting go. I repeat this same practice right before bed.
There are not really “a-ha” moments. It’s just a practice in being still. It’s a practice in letting go, so in my active life I will know how when the time comes. Contemplation and action are not truly separate. However, even in only intentionally practicing this for one month, I am noticing some shifts.
In silence, it is much easier to embrace the reality that we all are one. And that at the core of our being, we are full of love and goodness.
Not every day, but slowly, my mind can come to stillness more quickly. In the beginning, I felt like I was constantly returning to my sacred word because my mind could not come to quiet.
It can be quite emotional. Being quiet and still in our culture is hard! Hard memories have come to the forefront of my mind. There has been some freedom for me in letting them go in my prayer sits, but processing them in counseling.
My true self surfaces in these prayer sits and I’m asked to shed my false self. Letting agendas, plans, titles, and relationships fall away is both scary and a relief. I am more than what my culture, family, or friends say about me.
Simply, it’s an embrace of the unknown. And in this quiet space, my perception slowly shifts. I see reality differently. Once I emerge from my prayer sit, hopefully, I am more grounded, and over time full of compassion for myself and the world.