Dear Larry Nassar,

I am relieved that you will spend the rest of your life in jail.

Honestly, the rest of your life isn’t enough time to consider what you have made of your life.  How much pain you have caused.  How much you have altered thousands of lives for the worse.

I am relieved that these women had a kick-ass judge.  I’m glad she was a woman and saw the truth for what it is.  Saw you for who you truly are.

Larry,  you desire a cheap forgiveness.  A quick forgiveness, when neither of these are the definitions of forgiveness.

You witnessed 7 days of nothing but extremely brave, truthful testimonies.  Not a media circus.  An actual judge who believes in the power of story & doesn’t discount it because there isn’t enough evidence. A judge who believes that each story has a right to be heard.  That in each story is incredible pain, and that justice plays a part in each woman putting their lives together again.

You spent your whole life wanting women to feel extreme shame, just so you could use your perversion to “hide” your own shame.

You spent your whole life hiding and living a double life, and distancing yourself from love.

You wanted your power and prestige so you could fool institutions.  You played nice guy and made friends so that thousands would stand by you, even when young girls were confused about how a “nice guy” could have abused them.  Even when the beginning of the accusations were made public, you still ran for the Holt County School Board to look like an involved citizen.  And the sad part is, you got votes.

I’ve watched your story, because it resembles my own in many ways.  Now my abuser doesn’t quite have the acclaim you do.  But she’s a doctor.  And she has many backing her.  And the courts side with the abuser until sufficient proof is given.

But maybe, just maybe, more people are listening now.  Maybe people see how predators use their power to prey on the vulnerable.  Maybe people see how abusers play the “good guy” and that’s why it’s so easy for the survivor to get caught up in self-doubt.  Maybe people see how difficult it is to live with injustice when women have told others in authority and it was disregarded.

As I watched the testimony of the women you abused, all I thought was, “They are brave.  They are strong.  You didn’t knock them down.  They have more grit and strength & vulnerability and love than you ever had or will have.”

Each woman you abused will find her own way to wholeness in her own way, in her own time.  Just the fact that hundreds came forward already means that they are on their own healing journey already.  May they heal.  May they heal in spite of you.

May you have the courage to look at yourself for the first time in your life & truly grieve.  And grieve.  And grieve some more.

And realize that the hardest thing that you ever have to do awaits you.  You have the opportunity to look at your yourself honestly, and if you are courageous, learn to forgive yourself.

May the jail cell provide the place where you realize that you are not beyond love–and yet for you to find love, you must find it in yourself.

As a spiritual person, I too, must believe that you are not beyond love.  Because in order to say that, I must have such incredible love for myself, for my worth & dignity.

Find that for yourself, Larry Nassar.  Find that for yourself.

 

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