I attended a Wednesday morning Eucharist service at my church last week. I took deep breaths and opened the Book of Common Prayer, and listened to the Scriptures being read, and I turned to the elderly women sitting by me during the Passing of the Peace.
One woman shook my hand, looked me in the eyes, and said,
“You have the prettiest smile. Thanks for making my day.”
I sat back down in my seat, breathed even more deeply, my thighs resting more heavily. Immediately, I thought of writing my blog post about just wanting my smile to return. I wasn’t faking it. It was a real smile; and it was lighter. Healing is happening and I am smiling.
As I sat with my spiritual director last month, and we spoke briefly about Lent. We spoke about how hard, how tiring the last 5 years have been. How it’s been a long Lent. How my hope is that in this Lent, that more and more healing will emerge. And she just sat with me in my hope.
I just attended a Silent Retreat in Omaha with the Gravity Center. 50 of us meditated together, did yoga together, ate meals silently together. And when we could finally talk, one woman asked me my name, and then said, “I’m so glad I know your name now. Alyssa-the one with the most effortless, beautiful smile.”
Happy tears welled up in my eyes, as others were giving voice to the profound amount of healing that has happened these last four months.
As others ask about the retreat, I’m saying, “I keep moving more and more deeply into the process of letting go. And a by-product of letting go is joy.”
The last night of the retreat, we all sat silently in the chapel and were led through a lovingkindness meditation.
We repeated the mantra:
May I be well.
May I have love.
May I find peace in this life.
And then we repeated this mantra for our loved ones & for our enemies.
May you be well.
May you have love.
May you find peace in this life.
As a group claiming various or no faith tradition, we were opening ourselves up to Love, so we could love. And it was beautiful.