What I Want the White Boys I Work With To Know

I want you to be able to take a deep breath, and sink into your body.  And then take another deep breath and another.

I want you to be able to be still enough to recognize sensations in the body–and then match an emotion to it. And be able to communicate how you are feeling with those you are in relationship with.

I want you to learn not just empathy, but compassion.  Both are essential & action is required.

I want you to know how to feel your emotions, process them to the point where they are transformed.  And to know that this cannot happen without vulnerable community.

I want you to know that if you believe that you shouldn’t be accountable for ALL YOUR ACTIONS (because you have lots of models who demonstrate this kind of behavior), you have diminished your capacity for mutual relationship.  Each and every time you demand that you be heard, seen, validated, soothed, to the detriment of everyone else.

Many of you are very sensitive–and actively try to hide, diminish, shut out this part of yourselves.  This very vital, wonderful part of yourselves.

You have been socialized to pursue power, prestige, & endless opportunities.  When in all honesty, many of you would be perfectly happy working in construction, pursuing the arts, becoming a photographer.  Many of you have a strong imagination, enjoy solitude, and even like being alone a lot.

You have a choice.  Always a choice.  Every day, which way you will choose.

You have the choice to be accountable for your anger–and realize how your emotions affect other people.  You have the choice to ask for forgiveness.

You have the choice to ask for help.  To know that limitations are a natural part of life-not something to hide.  Also know that you live in a time where many people are exhausted with white men’s behavior.  So asking another white male to help you would be fantastic!

You have the choice to listen, to learn to appreciate difference in all its forms.

You have the choice to admit when you’re wrong.

You have the choice to build your emotional and spiritual resiliency.

You have the choice to know yourself, to love yourself.  And in doing this, giving you greater capacity to love other people.

Know that Brett Kavanaugh has sacrificed all this.  He has a lot of cultural & economic power.  And he does not have any emotional and spiritual power.

When he yelled in anger in the courtroom last week, I can tell you this.

He doesn’t  know how to breathe.

He doesn’t have any healthy mutual relationships.

He will spend the rest of his life protecting himself, instead of relating to others.

Every day you have a choice.

Every day helps form you in who you are becoming.

May you make choices that enlarge your soul, rather than shrink it.

May your capacity for love, patience, and compassion increase, because you know how to love, and be kind and patient to yourself.

May you take a full deep breath, and come home to yourself.  Detach.  And give others space to fully come home to themselves.



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