As I keep engaging with a regular breath work practice (about 3x/week for me), I’m noticing how my thoughts are shifting. When I first started, I had to understand everything.
Why are my fingers tingling? Why did my hand clench up? Why am I crying?
I had to know the answers. My brain wanted so desperately to be in control and to create immediate meaning.
Part of learning to trust my body, and let my intuition speak, is to just trust that any sensation is just energy needing to move. I don’t have to know why in that moment, and yet a commitment to acknowledge the sensations and emotions, and to work with them through a practice to move stuck energy is extremely helpful!
Of course, my mind still wants to know. That doesn’t go away overnight. The mind’s job is to think thoughts, and it surely does this! The results of the breath work practice show up in my active life.
I’m less anxious about my health.
Why is this? I do have more supports in place. If I have a reaction to mold, I know what to do. Of course, all of this helps. And yet breath work and my work in therapy, have helped to get at the stuck trauma in my body of feeling powerless and alone. Powerless in getting a diagnosis. Powerless in having a doctor take me seriously. Fearful in wondering if healing was even possible. Fearful to dream, because I didn’t want these good things taken away.
I’m finding my voice.
I’m writing a lot more, in general. It doesn’t take as long to put words on a page. I know that writing for me, at this time, also means writing for other people. So I’m writing more on my blog, and I’m also plugging away at my memoir. Writing can be both relaxing and intimidating–and sometimes I feel this within the span of 2 minutes! Engaging this creative process has brought deep joy.
I’m seeing change as an invitation to transformation, rather than a painful journey.
A lot has happened in the past 6 months. A lot of unraveling. A lot of finding the common threads throughout my life. A lot of reading, resting, and going inward. Yet, so traveling too, and meeting new friends. Laughter and tears. Fights and acceptance. New commitments and new completions. All a part of the journey, each showing up to teach me something new.
I know what my energy feels like.
I’ve come to understand at a much deeper level, what it feels like to be in my body as an empath. How I need to set firmer boundaries, in some areas. How I need to sustain myself in a helping profession when I am giving of my energy most of the day. How dishonest it feels to take on someone’s energy, when that’s not my job. I’m learning, and I’m growing.
I know that bits of truth can be found anywhere; and that one person, place, institution cannot hold the whole picture.
Throughout my healing journey, people, trying to be helpful, have given me advice or told me what to try next. At some point in our lives, we all think that we “have the answer.” It’s been beautiful to turn inward, to gain confidence, to heal and be standing on firmer ground, and to know that bits of healing are everywhere. Healing can come from a conversation with a stranger, or watching buds bloom on the tree. Healing can be a qigong practice or an IV. Healing can be drinking tea or watching TV. The important thing is to regularly ask myself, “What do I need?” and to listen to the answer. I will need different things at different times, and so I must listen.
May you today be graced with a pause, to notice the healing in you and around you.